Ana Samuel, in “A Message to Mayor Pete”, writes about the penetration of the radical effort to distort the sexuality of every child in America. It is brilliant in its appeal and argument ,and wonderful in its recognition of the dignity of every person in the LGBT movement. It says, from a mother’s perspective, everything I see, think and feel from a from a therapist’s point of view and from a social scientist’s knowledge of the data in these fields. What is happening— these are my words, not hers— is child sexual abuse perpetrated by government (state and local) through our educational system, across the nation. It is corrupting almost everything it touches: education, medicine, college tenure, research publication, journalism and even the clergy. It flies in the face of what the data say, and instead of leading children in the ways of a thriving adulthood is deliberately sacrificing their health, happiness, income and education on the altar of an anti-human, ideology, that has nothing to do with the dignity of each person, including the dignity of the lesbian woman, gay man, or transgendered person, behind whom they hide. These folks and their children are also pawns sacrificed on the very same altar.
It is wonderful to have a brilliant, articulate woman and
mother defend our children. But are there
any men around? Do men still protect
their children, or do they now leave it all to the women and hide behind their
skirts? Men need to step up too. Or have the radical feminists succeeded in
their goal of eliminating “patriarchs”?
The good father will help his son to see that that adolescence
is the great transition from childhood to adulthood. It is like an iceberg: Though much can be
seen on top, the bulk of what is going on lies deep below the surface — for
everyone involved, the teenager as well as his parents, teachers and friends.
It as a period of growing self-knowledge about his mind, body
and emotions; of learning about learning; of choosing which skills to develop
and of where this all fits in his future life.
Even more important, it is a period of learning about how to
live well with others: Figuring out what makes some people good and attractive,
what makes them comfortable to be with, as friends, as work colleagues, and as
members of different communities — family, sports teams, religious groups,
schools and clubs. In other words, figuring out the nature of virtue in others.
All this is the background that father will use as he
readies himself for the more intense sexual formation of his son that is about
to begin.
However, before he begins that direct formation, the good
father will remind himself that he has already accomplished the deepest
preparation of his son for good marriage later, by his mother bonding well with
him as a newborn by him bonding well with his infant son. With these bindings his
wife and he have him the firm foundation of the eventual fullness of his son’s sexuality.
This is their great accomplishment to date— giving him the capacity to belong
to others by belonging to him. They have already made him rich. With this his
son will more naturally select as a partner for life someone who has the same
capacity to belong — to give to him and to receive from him. She will be
seeking someone like him while he is seeking someone like her. The
complementary roles of his mother and father are what made this possible. Other adolescents who have not experienced such
complementarity between their parents will have greater struggles as they seek to
find that other who will complement them.
Having laid the foundation of a strong relationship, the son,
as he undergoes the changes of puberty as he experiences a new strange unbeckoned
pleasure – orgasm during sleep (wet dreams)– is now more likely to listen to his
father as he introduces him to the nature and purpose of sexual pleasure. No
one is better qualified to introduce him, because his father is the one who brought
his son into existence through the enjoyment of that very pleasure.
Timing it as best he can, the father prepares his son for
the changes he’s undergoing by pointing out to him that his interest in girls
will also begin to increase. He will put that in the context of the massive
amount of new learning his son will be acquiring over the next number of years,
as he gets ready to be a competent adult. He will point out to him that during
this period his brain will grow massively in size and in the interconnections that
are both forming and reforming, growing and shedding, as new knowledge is acquired
and old knowledge replaced and that, though this process will continue through
the rest of his life, it will be particularly intense through the next 12 to 14
years, during which his son has the potential to become a great man by harnessing
these changes, by being responsible to his future self, to his future wife (whoever
she be), and to his future children (who are only thoughts in God’s mind at
this stage).
During these 10 to 15 years he has the chance to develop
strengths and to discover his weaknesses, to make friends, to form a few deep
friendships, to explore the world, particularly those aspects of creation that
he finds the most intriguing. Through this exploration he will discover his
inclinations and gifts and gradually figure out a way whereby he can make a
living—- how he can serve others in a way they would like to be served through
a profession and in the process earn enough to live well enough.
During this period the father reminds his son that he will
become increasingly aware of the two major dimensions of himself: That he is
both spirit and body and that one of his greatest challenges in life will be to
bring harmony between these two dimensions, that he will find such harmony is
easy at times, while at other times difficult, and on a few occasions more like
a raging storm, and that he has to learn to sail in all these types of seas —
all the time remaining captain, so that if he gets lost he knows where to find his
compass and recalibrate by true north.
He will let his son know that from here on, as his son becomes
more and more his own man that will bring joy to his father, even as a certain
distance must accompany that joy, the distance of independence, of
responsibility, a responsibility that the son cannot share, the responsibility of
being the self he needs to become.
Sometimes the father will tell his son these things face to
face but sometimes in letters—for he knows that the value of a letter lasts a
lifetime and can be revisited – even after his father has passed away. For the son of a good father these letters
will be a great treasure and may even serve his grandsons (human nature does
not change).
So far, the father’s work is about the son’s development of his
inner self as a competent man, capable of contributing significantly to those
around him who will be sought out by others for the skills he has and the
contributions he can make. However, he makes clear that everything in life
points towards being ready to give, even as his desire to receive will stay
dominant— to receive income, promotions, praise, admiration, honors,
enjoyment, friendship and even love, especially love. His father will point out
to him the great human paradox: First we
all want all these good things (income through love) but that they cannot be
had first but only after we give, and that if he ever becomes a wise man he
will know that it makes most sense not to think about the receiving but
concentrate instead on the giving— giving where life beckon most. His
father will remind him (gently but often enough so that it gets through) that
life will keep being a major pain until he learns this solution to this
universal dilemma. It is a lesson many fail to learn, or learn too late, but
that great men realize this early enough in life to shape themselves that
way. He will urge his son to look out
for such men and when he finds them to get as close to them as life permits.
(As I wrote this, a piece appeared in the Daily Signal on the first “non-binary” person in the U.S. [neither male nor female]. It teaches the same lesson but in a very different way. If you read the story carefully you will see that this man [he has “returned” to his original sex] had a father who was the opposite of what he needed. It is no wonder his sexuality went all haywire. Given the level of breakdown in marriage in our day, more and more young people are at risk for similar distortions in their psycho-sexual development).
Next week I will continue with Phase V of the Father-Son
relationship.
From age three onwards the infant gradually becomes a
boy. And this is most noticeable in his
play.
All children love to play. Most boys like ball games: Kicking and throwing. They love horseplay (as long as it does not get too overpowering… a judgement call by the father, child by child). The goal is confidence in Dad as source of fun and protection. The horseplay is for the enjoyment of the child– not the father. It really helps consolidate the boy’s sexual identity as male when done with common sense.
The observant father now will begin to spot the different
inclinations of his children (and draw on his wife’s observations as well).
Their inclinations and strengths become occasions for father to affirm his son
in these (be they quarterback-football or tiddlywinks or drawing). To be affirmed in his strengths by his father
is one of life’s great experiences for a boy. And it lasts a life time.
Gradually, over the next years the father tells his children
about his own inclinations and gifts: What he enjoys doing, what he is good at,
what he likes in his hobbies, his friends, his fellow workers (learning about
persons and life). What he loves about his life: His wife– their mother, about
his children, and his friends. He does this not to boast but to illustrate to
them that it is good to revel in the gifts life has granted him so that they
too will revel in the gifts life has granted them. He follows this with his own
reveling in their gifts. Thus, he grows confidence deep inside his children. This
capacity for confidence and appreciation is the foundation of a great sexual
relationship with his spouse later on—twenty years or more from this phase.
Children love to be read to, and the books the father
chooses will have quite an impact on them. If he knows books, he can direct their
reading. His wife also plays a big part here. If they don’t know books they can
use my wife’s “A Mother’s List of Books”[1]
which contains decades of experience in choosing books that are interesting (they
have to be enjoyable for the child) yet model good character (or at least not
undermine it as most modern children’s books do, especially on the role of the
father). If you do not believe me: Go
and check out the books in the children’s section of your local public
library. The tentacles of NOW reach deep
into all crannies of child formation including this one… and have for a long
time.
If ever in doubt classic fairytales are a good bet. Young children
love them— that is why they have survived.
Though they love having stories read to them they are
absolutely taken with stories their father creates for them— no matter how
corny, no matter what his level of skill in creating or telling them. What they
love is the love he is showing them. They will ask for more and more. And
father can compose the outlines as he travels and works.
During this phase another great theme and attitude is laid
down by the wise father: Modesty.
Father will lightly form their attitude towards the bodies
of others: Privacy of all in the bathroom, especially those of opposite sex. Boys
do not enter their sisters’ bedroom, nor girls their brothers’. None enter
their parent’s bedroom. Even with parents present, they knock and wait to be
invited.
A boy learns from his father that nobody else ever touches the
private parts of his body… except Mother or Father when ill or the doctor in
his office. No one else! And he is trained that he should tell his parents if
anybody tries . Anywhere! Anyone! Father or Mother or both will deal with that
person. And if an adult is the one who touched them his parents will ensure
that person goes to jail. And they will
make sure their child knows that they are never at fault or guilty in such a
situation. It is always the adult, never the child. It is a pity, but in this day of sexual
license and sexual abuse parents have to both protect children more and teach
their children how best to protect themselves.
The boy is taught by his father to treat his own body well:
Not touch his penis except at toilet and washing. He learns to keep it private:
Hence these parts of the body are called “private parts.” (This is laying the groundwork for teaching
him about masturbation when he is comes into puberty. Self-control during puberty, in turn, is
remote preparation for the male being a great lover of his spouse later on. This
is not neurotic anxiety but quite the opposite: It is preparing his son to be
great in bed — without talking about it at this too early stage).
It is a pity but during this phase fathers now have to begin
preparing their sons to handle pornography — by shunning it the first time
they see it and coming to him with any question the experience provokes (and
there will be all sorts of questions). Father
gets across that the body is sacred —- always sacred, but that some wicked people
exploit this. He lets his son know his
confidence in him that he will know when a picture is not right, and to always
feel free to come to him – or his mother
– for they are the experts on the body. Again, with the breakdown in sexual
mores and taboos this initial education in pornography is now needed as early
as eight years of age… maybe even sooner!
It is a judgement call best arrived at by discussion between both
parents.
Somewhere along the way… listening to his questions about
babies and where they come from— father or mother give enough information to
satisfy the questions asked, but do not go overboard. A light touch builds
confidence in the son— confidence in approaching his parents on these issues—
that father (or mother) will be his guide on this and he can always come to his
father with any questions.
With an eye to the coming teenage adolescent years: Making friends with other families you really
like.
When children are young they make friends with ease. Put them together and they play easily. Wise parents avail of this phase so that their children have good friends BEFORE they reach their teenage years. Then when puberty hits, they have the friends of early childhood as their peer group in adolescents – all from good families, families who help each other through their children’s adolescent years. These early friendships will transfer easily to the teenage years and from these will grow many of the deeper friendships that emerge in adolescence, and among whom mixed groups will be natural among the brothers and sisters of those they played with in single sex groups during this phase two.
Parents who neglect to do this will realize their mistake when it is too late to do much about it and their children have made friends the parents are not happy with, but at time when it is too late to do what could have been done with ease five years earlier: Shepherding them towards good friendships with children whose parents know how to cultivate character. This has nothing to do with family income or status, but with the character of parents who know what character is and how to form it in their children.
The next phase covered will be early adolescence.
[1] I
know it is a plug, but her booklet is a
classic — owned and used for decades by thousands of mothers across the country. Email her at tafagan@juno.com
for more details. It is a plug. But if there were a better one to plug I
would do so. There is not!
The study of how to rebuild society leads initially to the study of how it was dismantled. That leads to many pathways but the central is the Marxist highway, which, though beginning with the commune in the French Revolution really got its start with Das Kapital by Marx and Engels. There they pinpointed family and religion as the two major obstacles. It took a hundred years of study for their intellectual offspring to figure out how to cause a collapse from with both those institutions. They found one solution for both problems: Sex gone wild, as most graphically illustrated in Mallory Millet’s famous reportageon the pre-founding of the National Organization of Women. Men are suckers for it, and women too – in a very different way.
It is noteworthy that when a marriage or partnership
disintegrates the children normally stay with their mother. This springs from
the fundamental nature of female sexuality: Her sexual biology is overwhelming
in its impact on her boding with her children. Once conceived, her child
changes all her biological systems as they regroup to grow the baby in her
womb. She gets to know that baby as it grows and takes over so much of her life
during those nine months.
Then comes the trip down the birth canal and the eruption of
pain and trauma of childbirth, an experience men cannot conceive of nor write
about. It ends in the joy of holding her newborn and the instant conclusion it
was all worth it. This experience alone would bond both so deeply. But it is
followed by an even more intimate form with months of breastfeeding that makes
the breast forever central to sexuality for both male and female.
For men, biology does not do anything comparable. A man bonding with his children is essentially an act of his will: A decision carried out repeatedly as he deliberately gets closer to his child.
In the architecture of family and of society and even of civilization
and culture the woman’s irreplaceable contribution is biology; man’s is
decision, or will – or good habits.
If the family is an arch the woman is the blocks while the
man is the keystone.
Pull out the keystone and the arch (the family, society,
even civilization) collapses.
The US feminists of the 1960’s, building on the 40 years work of the Frankfurt Schooland its Marxist allies, had finally figured out how to cause the collapse that Lenin envisaged: remove the father from the family. (For them the traditional intact married family is the “patriarchal” family). The “litany chant” at the opening of the study group that led to NOW illustrates the method of removal: Let sex go wild.
The Supreme Court was a key target and delivered the goods: The
right to sex outside of marriage in 1972, to abortion in 1973, to
contraceptives down to age 16 without parental consent, to homosexual acts in
2003, to homosexual marriage in 2015.
With each decision the place of the male in the family was
notched down and down and down, with increases in all the “toxic masculinities”
the APA is seemingly concerned about.
The Marxists figured out that if you remove the father from
the family society will gradually collapse into the waiting arms of the all-controlling
socialist state envisaged by Marx.
In the mid and late 1960’s some of America’s brightest (but
not best) decided to take down the most powerful nation on earth. They have
achieved much.
How to restore and rebuild?
By replacing the keystone in the arch: Good fathers raising
boys to be great husbands and fathers. The man is key. He is civilization. He
is the keystone.
(Women have nothing to fear in this order: It is the work of
both. Equally. Just very different roles, stemming from very, very different
biologies. But totally complementary biologies — if only we can get the “act of the will” right in both male and
female, mother and father, husband and wife).
