Fathers

Fathers

SPOUSE
CHILDREN
SELF

SPOUSE

Jordan Peterson 3 part series:

The only way I know of to get these lectures is through the “Daily Wire +” at https://www.dailywire.com/watch/jordan-peterson. It needs a subscription (to Daily Wire) which costs about $14 a month! But these lectures give a great human-sciences overview of marriage and what effort it takes to make it produce great happiness.

Lecture 1: The Promise

  • Why a monogamous marriage is rationally, intellectually, and spiritually better. Then short term hedonistic pleasure of the single life. Creating the perfect platform for having children. How to consistently have the best intimate life you could possibly imagine with your spouse.

Lecture 2: Negotiation within Marriage

  • The keys to a successful marriage. Involve not just listening and communication. But the way in which we do so. Topics include: The importance of negotiation; Why structured family meetings matter; Sorting out the past. For you and for your spouse; Whose fault is it really? And why divorce is not a quick fix!

Lecture 3: Sacrifice and Reward

  • What you were sacrificing by getting married. Are the things that should already have fallen by the wayside with the advent of maturity, and that the gains far outweigh the so-called loss of freedoms. Topics include: Why marriage is the highest form of play.; How career, children and marriage can and should work together; While renewing vows is a sacred symbolic act; And why we should strive to live up to the ideals of marriage rather than forsaking them.

Dr John Gottman

Making Marriage Work (47 mins):

  • Gottman and his wife are the two most objective and detailed researchers on marriage (statistically rigorous investigation). And the most published! Furthermore, they have researched the training-based-on-this-research that they do. You can have more confidence in their work than any other social scientist.
  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AKTyPgwfPgg

Book:  Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

4 Essential Fundamental Habits for a Good Marriage (11 mins if you start at minute 6)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4Y5Mr8rZ9A

See in “imagination” below “The Power of the Story” to create with your wife, the story of your marriage and family:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DC55iJmFW64

A “Green Renaissance” (Zen Buddhist?) German older couple who give evidence of a great marriage to aspire to:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbyQhbZJhwI

DATES WITH YOUR SPOUSE

FUN AND PLAY

Continuing the dance of the initial courtship through marriage:

Continuing to be Romantic Partners:

DANCE

Dance in Marriage:

  • Jordan Petersons Session 1 of his 3 session course (see above).

Esther Perl:

SEXUAL INTIMACY WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Michelle Davidson (one of the great marriage therapists) on the Sex-Starved Marriage:

Sexual Intimacy in Marriage (CanaVox Manhood) (3 min 25 sec):

BEYOND WIN-WIN — EVER ONGOING DIALOGUE

CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS (with your spouse)

Coauthor/Researcher Joseph Grenny (14 mins):

Coauthor/Researcher Joseph Grenny again (30 mins):

Another take on crucial conversations:

A Diagram Explanation of Crucial Conversations:

NEGOTIATION – CREATIVE NEGOTIATION – AGREEMENTS

LISTENING

Good course ($30) on listening. As you will spend a lot of your marriage listening knowing how to do it well is fundamental:

Jordan Peterson on listening (10 mins –free):

ACCEPTING

Ester Perel (within limits –or ceteris paribus— very true) (18 mins):

GETTING TO ACCEPTANCE THROUGH CONFLICT CONFRONTED

Jordan Peterson (first 5 mins):

Jordan Peterson (start at minute 1 and go for 5 + mins):

EXPLORING THE BOUNDARIES OF MARRIAGE THROUGH CONFLICT

Jordan Peterson (3 mins):

Doug Hinderer Marriage Therapist Chicago (Start min 5:30 >> I hour):

How to Practice Radical Acceptance (4 mins):

Behind every criticism is a wish and a fear (9 mins):

The Power of a Budget on a Marriage (10 minutes):

5 Rules for Money in Your Marriage and Your Life (12 minutes):

CHILDREN

Eriksons Stages of Psychosocial Development (14 mins):

Piaget’s Stages of Cognitive Development (14 mins):

Why we should read aloud to our children (adapt to yourself):

Basic Tips on Reading to Kids (good for Dads who have never read to children):

Getting Your Kids to Love Reading (start at 1.26):

GREAT LIST OF BOOKS
  1. A Mother’s List of Books 6th edition (disclosure: my wife is the author)

Good Triggers vs. Bad Triggers and Calm Communication Skills (6 min read):

On Money with Dave Ramsay:

The Love and Logic approach provides a variety of simple and effective strategies for parenting children from birth to adulthood:

TEACHING SELF-GOVERNMENT

COMMUNICATION

Don’t Shut Children Down- Really Listen:

How to Discipline a Teenager That Won’t Listen:

How To Discipline A Kid Who Talks Back:

Using Consequences of Different Sorts (15 mins):

BEHAVIOR

How To Punish A Child For Bad Behavior:

How To Talk To Your Child About Bad Behavior:

  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGs12Wr5Cmo
  • A healthy change of behavior is due to a change of heart:
    • They already feel bad about the situation, so bringing more emotion into it is unhelpful. Be proactive and think about solving the problem rather than feeling bad about it.

How To Stop Bad Behavior In 4-Year-Olds:

PARENTING STYLES

How Parenting Styles Influence Child Development:

  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-os1La1bG4E
  • Peck describes how three different types of parenting affect child development: bully fear-based parenting, modern progress/ permissive parenting, and self-government parenting.

What Is Permissive Parenting?

How Permissive Parenting Affects The Child:

Permissive Parenting vs Laziness:

  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VB7yVb5dwGg
  • Permissive is reactive, while laziness can become fear-based. Action-based parenting is beneficial because the children are corrected- something they need because they often don’t have the experience to make good decisions on their own.

Why Authoritative Parenting The Most Effective:

HABITS

How To Create Good Habits That Will Stick:

How To Change Bad Parenting Habits:

  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnY2-o7LgK4
  • Peck explains how bad parenting habits are formed in the first place, and how parents must change their mindsets and change their thoughts in order to fix these habits once identifying them.
    1.  

EMOTIONS

How To Help A Child Regulate Their Emotions:

Creating Emotionally Strong Children – Gentle Parenting That Actually Stops Bad Behavior Series:

How To Control Your Emotions In The Moment:

Teaching Children To Manage Emotions:

How To Teach Emotional Intelligence To Kids:

  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYu8gM4Jkws
  • The parents themselves must first understand emotional intelligence, and help their children analyze themselves.
  • Parents must also help their children understand cause and effect with emotional unloading on others, and know how to talk about emotions.

4 Social-Emotional Learning Skills that Guarantee Success:

How To Not Let Your Emotions Control You:

    1.  
RAISING CHILDREN

Thinking of our child, not as projects, but as a free person:

Plutarch’s Lives Teach Character through Story:

Adolescent Freedom and Smart Phones:

The Math Problem: Tackling the “I’m Terrible at Math” Mentality:

Guidelines for Dating:

Forming iGen: Strategies and Considerations for “Parents Fully Aware”:

Endless Growth: Kevin Majeres on Addictions and Setting Challenges:

From Anxiety to Adventure: Kevin Majeres on Reframing Challenges:

TEENS AND TECHNOLOGY:

TRUE LOVE:

SINCERITY:

FORMING THE CONSCIENCE:

READING GREAT LITERATURE:

LOYALTY: A DAD TEACHES HIS CHILD:

FREEDOM: HELPING KIDS UNDERSTAND IT:

HOW DADS CAN AFFIRM KIDS:

SEXUAL EDUCATION, PART 1:

SEXUAL EDUCATION, PART 2:

FORMING FORTITUDE IN KIDS:

RAISING BOYS
Building a Relationship of Trust with Your Son:

Making Commute Time a Good Time (starts minute 3.00):

Man Fully Alive (1 hour podcast by Headmaster of The Heights School:

When to Fight: Fisticuffs and the Peacemaking Protector:

Leading our Sons Towards Integrity:

Forming Boys’ Emotional Side Part II:

“Will he be happy?”: Fostering Gratitude:

Forming your Young Son’s Conscience:

Mentoring Sons to a Successful Summer:

Rethinking College: Why go? How? When?:

RAISING DAUGHTERS

Raising Daughters:

FAMILY LIFE

Building a Contemplative Home in a Frenetic Age:

Family Culture with Mr. Alvaro de Vicente:

Leisure: Contemplative Homes in a Frenetic Age:

Creating a Philosophy of Personal Technology Use Part I:

Creating a Philosophy of Personal Technology Use, Part II:

FRIENDSHIP IN THE HOME:

SELF

Pinocchio: What is conscience (movie excerpt):

Pinocchio: Let your conscience by your guide (movie excerpt):

Jordan Peterson on Conscience as a guide:

A good 3 minute Biblical overview God/prayer/conscience:

Fulton Sheen on the function of a Guilty Conscience (24 mins):

Formation of a Christian Conscience:

COMMUNICATE WITH GOD ( PRAYER)

A saint teaching a student how to pray:

Peter Kreeft: 2 presentations on prayer:

INTELLECT VS. EMOTIONS

Getting control of triggering emotions we tend not to notice (17 mins):

BOOKENDS

Bookends are the time of the day you can control:

The morning bookend.

  • By getting up early enough to give you the time to meditate (converse with God in your own intimate way), to recall and renew your intentions and visualize them, to note the lessons life has taught you and to get the exercise you need, and finally to end with a good cold shower  (or you could start with that good cold shower).

The evening bookend is shorter:

  • Digitally free (entertainment happens before the evening bookend).
  • A face-to-face goodnight with each of your children.
  • Your deliberate special, full attention time with your wife.
  • Review your day with God giving thanks for the good that has happened, asking forgiveness for the bad you have done or the failures you caused, and finishing with a concrete resolution for tomorrow on a point of failure.
  • To bed at your regular time. Set the alarm for rising.
  • Appropriate image time with God (in your home with Him) with which to go to sleep for the night.

HARNESSING THE 4TH FACULTY/CAPACITY

The other big three are intellect, will and memory.

How to do this with God at the core of the desired ends (how to glorify Him most with the life I live and work towards). FAC really needs its own instructions and set of tapes… so much New Age rabbit holes in the area.

Its use in sports (top athletes):

Theoretical development of use of imagination as an instrument of knowledge:

How to get yourself poised for imagery work (nothing else):

A secular review of having used visualization well in many areas of life:

Another secular practitioner (NLP Hypnotist + Zen Buddist) on self-application (story + instruction + motivation):

The Power of Story (another type of visualization) – Apply this to your marriage and family:

Harnessing the Imagination to Create the Story (of your family):

BUILDING YOUR OWN CHARACTER:

The Bedrock Principle of Fatherhood

Work: Our Original Vocation

Friendship for Fathers

The Freedom to Form Bonds: Kevin Majeres on Mindfulness and Attention

PATIENCE

BEING AN EXCELLENT LOVER

FINANCIAL STEWARDSHIP

THE VIRTUE OF ORDER, PART 1

THE VIRTUE OF ORDER, PART 2

Pinocchio: What is conscience (movie excerpt):

Pinocchio: Let your conscience by your guide (movie excerpt):

Jordan Peterson on Conscience as a guide:

A good 3 minute Biblical overview God/prayer/conscience:

Fulton Sheen on the function of a Guilty Conscience (24 mins):

Formation of a Christian Conscience:

COMMUNICATE WITH GOD ( PRAYER)

A saint teaching a student how to pray:

Peter Kreeft: 2 presentations on prayer:

INTELLECT VS. EMOTIONS

Getting control of triggering emotions we tend not to notice (17 mins):

BOOKENDS

Bookends are the time of the day you can control:

The morning bookend.

  • By getting up early enough to give you the time to meditate (converse with God in your own intimate way), to recall and renew your intentions and visualize them, to note the lessons life has taught you and to get the exercise you need, and finally to end with a good cold shower  (or you could start with that good cold shower).

The evening bookend is shorter:

  • Digitally free (entertainment happens before the evening bookend).
  • A face-to-face goodnight with each of your children.
  • Your deliberate special, full attention time with your wife.
  • Review your day with God giving thanks for the good that has happened, asking forgiveness for the bad you have done or the failures you caused, and finishing with a concrete resolution for tomorrow on a point of failure.
  • To bed at your regular time. Set the alarm for rising.
  • Appropriate image time with God (in your home with Him) with which to go to sleep for the night.

ASSESSING WHAT IT MEANS TO BE MASCULINE

AGONIST

  • Do I compete or just relax and let others excel?
  • In what do I compete?
  • In what do I need to compete for the good of my marriage and my family?
  • Do I model and encourage my son(s) in this form of striving?

EXTERNALITIES

  • Am I engaging well with the world outside?
  • Have I a way of making a difference in the world (as a great plumber or artist or salesman or teacher or doctor or attorney or truck driver or —) that I am constantly trying to do better and better?

EXPENDABLE

  • Have I a plan to have good insurance should I die?
  • Am I prepared to protect my children’s moral formation?
  • Am I prudently planning our future together with my wife?
  • What am I prepared to sacrifice to keep my marriage alive and well?
  • What am I prepared to sacrifice for my children’s education?

HABIT DEVELOPMENT

HARNESSING THE 4TH FACULTY/CAPACITY

The other big three are intellect, will and memory.

How to do this with God at the core of the desired ends (how to glorify Him most with the life I live and work towards). FAC really needs its own instructions and set of tapes… so much New Age rabbit holes in the area.

Its use in sports (top athletes):

Theoretical development of use of imagination as an instrument of knowledge:

How to get yourself poised for imagery work (nothing else):

A secular review of having used visualization well in many areas of life:

Another secular practitioner (NLP Hypnotist + Zen Buddist) on self-application (story + instruction + motivation):

The Power of Story (another type of visualization) – Apply this to your marriage and family:

Harnessing the Imagination to Create the Story (of your family):