Ana Samuel, in “A Message to Mayor Pete”, writes about the penetration of the radical effort to distort the sexuality of every child in America. It is brilliant in its appeal and argument ,and wonderful in its recognition of the dignity of every person in the LGBT movement. It says, from a mother’s perspective, everything I see, think and feel from a from a therapist’s point of view and from a social scientist’s knowledge of the data in these fields. What is happening— these are my words, not hers— is child sexual abuse perpetrated by government (state and local) through our educational system, across the nation. It is corrupting almost everything it touches: education, medicine, college tenure, research publication, journalism and even the clergy. It flies in the face of what the data say, and instead of leading children in the ways of a thriving adulthood is deliberately sacrificing their health, happiness, income and education on the altar of an anti-human, ideology, that has nothing to do with the dignity of each person, including the dignity of the lesbian woman, gay man, or transgendered person, behind whom they hide. These folks and their children are also pawns sacrificed on the very same altar.
It is wonderful to have a brilliant, articulate woman and
mother defend our children. But are there
any men around? Do men still protect
their children, or do they now leave it all to the women and hide behind their
skirts? Men need to step up too. Or have the radical feminists succeeded in
their goal of eliminating “patriarchs”?
I will teach you how to regard the bodies of women.
I will teach you how to listen carefully to women and hear what
they mean .
I will teach you how to treat all women, so they will know
you are a man of good intentions.
Now, that you are becoming a young man your body can generate new life. Yes! You can now be a father. So, it is time for me to teach you all you want to know and all you need to know about this powerful new dimension of being alive.
Over the next few years we will talk about these issues at different times. But the next lesson I want you to learn is that the world of women is both wonderful and dangerous and that you need to learn how to live in that world and assess these women. They — like men — can be angels or devils (most are somewhere in between). However, in our times, the number of dangerous women has grown, so you have to be wise or you will suffer much if you make the wrong choice.
Most women are attractive, physically. Furthermore, God also made it part of their nature that they devote time and attention to being so. Finding a physically attractive woman is easy and the woman you will marry will likely be quite beautiful. The much more important form of attractiveness takes real practice to spot, and getting there is not easy for most men.
By contrast, women, starting in their teens, seem to enjoy exchanging their assessment of males and, even though their criteria as teenagers are limited they become more serious as they mature, for they begin to realize that much depends on their ability to assess a man’s capacity to work and provide for them and their future children, and the level of respect he has not only for them, but for other women. Men don’t share comparisons of women this way. They more easily judge women by their looks. That takes no training, nor great intelligence.
Because you have to acquire this capacity it is time for you to start, first by assessing the sisters of your friends and the friends of your sisters. You can begin to spot and appreciate their virtues: who is kind; who is hard working; who is always cheerful; who takes care of her siblings; who honors her father; who is close to her mother; who is prayerful (though that is hard to observe); who is modest in the way she dresses; who is even-tempered; who is punctual; who is prepared. As you assess them you will notice weaknesses. However, you have to simultaneously learn to see the good in every young woman. No matter what weaknesses you spot, you realize that every young woman is the apple of her parent’s eye and especially of God’s eye: He has known each intimately even before they came into existence, and continues to hold each one in the palm of His hand. In other words, even as you develop the capacity to spot their virtues you also develop the capacity to see them as God’s beloved daughters. This is a sure-fire way to learn to respect every woman.
The effect of developing this
capacity to spot the virtues in a girl is that you will become more motivated about
developing your own. The woman you set
your heart on will likely have been observing the brothers of her friends and
the friends of her brothers. It would be
a pity if you were to lose the girl of your dreams because you failed to turn a
significant weakness into a strength.
One man I know was lucky. In college he fell for a girl and asked her out on a date. She – remarkably – told him to “Forget it. You arrive late to class, skip some of them, and, I am told, you lie in many mornings. If I were to fall for you and marry you, ten years from now I would be pulling you out of bed to get you to work. No way I’m going out with you.” He changed quickly and had enough time (he was a sophomore) to convince her. Now they are happily married. Most men never get such a chance —nor such an informed turn-down. But such turndowns happen all the time, silently.
Developing your capacity to assess the virtues of young women should motivate you to develop those capacities you need to replace the bad habits your brothers and sisters complain about, if you are to become a man pleasant enough to be with —- for a lifetime.
The good father will help his son to see that that adolescence
is the great transition from childhood to adulthood. It is like an iceberg: Though much can be
seen on top, the bulk of what is going on lies deep below the surface — for
everyone involved, the teenager as well as his parents, teachers and friends.
It as a period of growing self-knowledge about his mind, body
and emotions; of learning about learning; of choosing which skills to develop
and of where this all fits in his future life.
Even more important, it is a period of learning about how to
live well with others: Figuring out what makes some people good and attractive,
what makes them comfortable to be with, as friends, as work colleagues, and as
members of different communities — family, sports teams, religious groups,
schools and clubs. In other words, figuring out the nature of virtue in others.
All this is the background that father will use as he
readies himself for the more intense sexual formation of his son that is about
However, before he begins that direct formation, the good
father will remind himself that he has already accomplished the deepest
preparation of his son for good marriage later, by his mother bonding well with
him as a newborn by him bonding well with his infant son. With these bindings his
wife and he have him the firm foundation of the eventual fullness of his son’s sexuality.
This is their great accomplishment to date— giving him the capacity to belong
to others by belonging to him. They have already made him rich. With this his
son will more naturally select as a partner for life someone who has the same
capacity to belong — to give to him and to receive from him. She will be
seeking someone like him while he is seeking someone like her. The
complementary roles of his mother and father are what made this possible. Other adolescents who have not experienced such
complementarity between their parents will have greater struggles as they seek to
find that other who will complement them.
Having laid the foundation of a strong relationship, the son,
as he undergoes the changes of puberty as he experiences a new strange unbeckoned
pleasure – orgasm during sleep (wet dreams)– is now more likely to listen to his
father as he introduces him to the nature and purpose of sexual pleasure. No
one is better qualified to introduce him, because his father is the one who brought
his son into existence through the enjoyment of that very pleasure.
Timing it as best he can, the father prepares his son for
the changes he’s undergoing by pointing out to him that his interest in girls
will also begin to increase. He will put that in the context of the massive
amount of new learning his son will be acquiring over the next number of years,
as he gets ready to be a competent adult. He will point out to him that during
this period his brain will grow massively in size and in the interconnections that
are both forming and reforming, growing and shedding, as new knowledge is acquired
and old knowledge replaced and that, though this process will continue through
the rest of his life, it will be particularly intense through the next 12 to 14
years, during which his son has the potential to become a great man by harnessing
these changes, by being responsible to his future self, to his future wife (whoever
she be), and to his future children (who are only thoughts in God’s mind at
During these 10 to 15 years he has the chance to develop
strengths and to discover his weaknesses, to make friends, to form a few deep
friendships, to explore the world, particularly those aspects of creation that
he finds the most intriguing. Through this exploration he will discover his
inclinations and gifts and gradually figure out a way whereby he can make a
living—- how he can serve others in a way they would like to be served through
a profession and in the process earn enough to live well enough.
During this period the father reminds his son that he will
become increasingly aware of the two major dimensions of himself: That he is
both spirit and body and that one of his greatest challenges in life will be to
bring harmony between these two dimensions, that he will find such harmony is
easy at times, while at other times difficult, and on a few occasions more like
a raging storm, and that he has to learn to sail in all these types of seas —
all the time remaining captain, so that if he gets lost he knows where to find his
compass and recalibrate by true north.
He will let his son know that from here on, as his son becomes
more and more his own man that will bring joy to his father, even as a certain
distance must accompany that joy, the distance of independence, of
responsibility, a responsibility that the son cannot share, the responsibility of
being the self he needs to become.
Sometimes the father will tell his son these things face to
face but sometimes in letters—for he knows that the value of a letter lasts a
lifetime and can be revisited – even after his father has passed away. For the son of a good father these letters
will be a great treasure and may even serve his grandsons (human nature does
So far, the father’s work is about the son’s development of his
inner self as a competent man, capable of contributing significantly to those
around him who will be sought out by others for the skills he has and the
contributions he can make. However, he makes clear that everything in life
points towards being ready to give, even as his desire to receive will stay
dominant— to receive income, promotions, praise, admiration, honors,
enjoyment, friendship and even love, especially love. His father will point out
to him the great human paradox: First we
all want all these good things (income through love) but that they cannot be
had first but only after we give, and that if he ever becomes a wise man he
will know that it makes most sense not to think about the receiving but
concentrate instead on the giving— giving where life beckon most. His
father will remind him (gently but often enough so that it gets through) that
life will keep being a major pain until he learns this solution to this
universal dilemma. It is a lesson many fail to learn, or learn too late, but
that great men realize this early enough in life to shape themselves that
way. He will urge his son to look out
for such men and when he finds them to get as close to them as life permits.
(As I wrote this, a piece appeared in the Daily Signal on the first “non-binary” person in the U.S. [neither male nor female]. It teaches the same lesson but in a very different way. If you read the story carefully you will see that this man [he has “returned” to his original sex] had a father who was the opposite of what he needed. It is no wonder his sexuality went all haywire. Given the level of breakdown in marriage in our day, more and more young people are at risk for similar distortions in their psycho-sexual development).
Next week I will continue with Phase V of the Father-Son
From age three onwards the infant gradually becomes a
boy. And this is most noticeable in his
All children love to play. Most boys like ball games: Kicking and throwing. They love horseplay (as long as it does not get too overpowering… a judgement call by the father, child by child). The goal is confidence in Dad as source of fun and protection. The horseplay is for the enjoyment of the child– not the father. It really helps consolidate the boy’s sexual identity as male when done with common sense.
The observant father now will begin to spot the different
inclinations of his children (and draw on his wife’s observations as well).
Their inclinations and strengths become occasions for father to affirm his son
in these (be they quarterback-football or tiddlywinks or drawing). To be affirmed in his strengths by his father
is one of life’s great experiences for a boy. And it lasts a life time.
Gradually, over the next years the father tells his children
about his own inclinations and gifts: What he enjoys doing, what he is good at,
what he likes in his hobbies, his friends, his fellow workers (learning about
persons and life). What he loves about his life: His wife– their mother, about
his children, and his friends. He does this not to boast but to illustrate to
them that it is good to revel in the gifts life has granted him so that they
too will revel in the gifts life has granted them. He follows this with his own
reveling in their gifts. Thus, he grows confidence deep inside his children. This
capacity for confidence and appreciation is the foundation of a great sexual
relationship with his spouse later on—twenty years or more from this phase.
Children love to be read to, and the books the father
chooses will have quite an impact on them. If he knows books, he can direct their
reading. His wife also plays a big part here. If they don’t know books they can
use my wife’s “A Mother’s List of Books”
which contains decades of experience in choosing books that are interesting (they
have to be enjoyable for the child) yet model good character (or at least not
undermine it as most modern children’s books do, especially on the role of the
father). If you do not believe me: Go
and check out the books in the children’s section of your local public
library. The tentacles of NOW reach deep
into all crannies of child formation including this one… and have for a long
If ever in doubt classic fairytales are a good bet. Young children
love them— that is why they have survived.
Though they love having stories read to them they are
absolutely taken with stories their father creates for them— no matter how
corny, no matter what his level of skill in creating or telling them. What they
love is the love he is showing them. They will ask for more and more. And
father can compose the outlines as he travels and works.
During this phase another great theme and attitude is laid
down by the wise father: Modesty.
Father will lightly form their attitude towards the bodies
of others: Privacy of all in the bathroom, especially those of opposite sex. Boys
do not enter their sisters’ bedroom, nor girls their brothers’. None enter
their parent’s bedroom. Even with parents present, they knock and wait to be
A boy learns from his father that nobody else ever touches the
private parts of his body… except Mother or Father when ill or the doctor in
his office. No one else! And he is trained that he should tell his parents if
anybody tries . Anywhere! Anyone! Father or Mother or both will deal with that
person. And if an adult is the one who touched them his parents will ensure
that person goes to jail. And they will
make sure their child knows that they are never at fault or guilty in such a
situation. It is always the adult, never the child. It is a pity, but in this day of sexual
license and sexual abuse parents have to both protect children more and teach
their children how best to protect themselves.
The boy is taught by his father to treat his own body well:
Not touch his penis except at toilet and washing. He learns to keep it private:
Hence these parts of the body are called “private parts.” (This is laying the groundwork for teaching
him about masturbation when he is comes into puberty. Self-control during puberty, in turn, is
remote preparation for the male being a great lover of his spouse later on. This
is not neurotic anxiety but quite the opposite: It is preparing his son to be
great in bed — without talking about it at this too early stage).
It is a pity but during this phase fathers now have to begin
preparing their sons to handle pornography — by shunning it the first time
they see it and coming to him with any question the experience provokes (and
there will be all sorts of questions). Father
gets across that the body is sacred —- always sacred, but that some wicked people
exploit this. He lets his son know his
confidence in him that he will know when a picture is not right, and to always
feel free to come to him – or his mother
– for they are the experts on the body. Again, with the breakdown in sexual
mores and taboos this initial education in pornography is now needed as early
as eight years of age… maybe even sooner!
It is a judgement call best arrived at by discussion between both
Somewhere along the way… listening to his questions about
babies and where they come from— father or mother give enough information to
satisfy the questions asked, but do not go overboard. A light touch builds
confidence in the son— confidence in approaching his parents on these issues—
that father (or mother) will be his guide on this and he can always come to his
father with any questions.
With an eye to the coming teenage adolescent years: Making friends with other families you really
When children are young they make friends with ease. Put them together and they play easily. Wise parents avail of this phase so that their children have good friends BEFORE they reach their teenage years. Then when puberty hits, they have the friends of early childhood as their peer group in adolescents – all from good families, families who help each other through their children’s adolescent years. These early friendships will transfer easily to the teenage years and from these will grow many of the deeper friendships that emerge in adolescence, and among whom mixed groups will be natural among the brothers and sisters of those they played with in single sex groups during this phase two.
Parents who neglect to do this will realize their mistake when it is too late to do much about it and their children have made friends the parents are not happy with, but at time when it is too late to do what could have been done with ease five years earlier: Shepherding them towards good friendships with children whose parents know how to cultivate character. This has nothing to do with family income or status, but with the character of parents who know what character is and how to form it in their children.
The next phase covered will be early adolescence.
know it is a plug, but her booklet is a
classic — owned and used for decades by thousands of mothers across the country. Email her at email@example.com
for more details. It is a plug. But if there were a better one to plug I
would do so. There is not!
In December I introduced the notion of the phases of a boy’s development, with an eye to the father’s role in the sexual formation of his son. There are many ways of looking at these phases and many ways of adjusting them but for the purposes of the father taking care of his boy I will use these five:
The first is infancy to toddlerhood – up through age three.
The second is the young boy – up to age 7.
The third is the boy coming into his own up to age 11/12.
The fourth is the young adolescent boy undergoing the
changes of puberty, up to age 15.
The fifth is the boy’s transition into young manhood up to
The age ranges are flexible and will change, boy by boy, given the multiple factors in play: physical growth, neurological growth, hormone differences, and basic temperament, sibling order and relationships, the home environment of peace vs. stress, and the level and depth of religious practice and whether it is rule-based, or person-based.
Though much of the focus of these blogs on father and son look at the dynamic between them, the strongest and deepest dynamic is that between the father and the boy’s mother. That relationship is the sexual relationship in the family. Though his parent’s physical sexual relationship is beyond the boy’s direct knowledge and happens behind the closed door of the bedroom, the relational and spiritual dimension of their sexual relationship is on full display in family life and conveys powerful messages that continually shape the hearts of their children who “absorb” the parental relationship in its peace and joy or stress and conflict. The father’s greatest “tool” in forming his son’s sexual relationship is, first, to do all he can to make his wife very happy (no matter what external stresses life visits on them).
Likewise, his mother has a powerful impact on her son’s long-term sexual development. If she conveys the message that she is blessed to have his father as her spouse and if she does everything in her power to make their marriage a very happy one for her husband, then the boy will have inbuilt criteria (likely unconscious) for selecting his wife. Having experienced marital happiness in his family’s home he will seek the same for himself.
Through all the phases of forming the sexuality of his sons, the father’s first task is to take great care of his sexual partner, his wife, the boy’s mother. Nothing is more powerful in his son’s sexual formation. The state of their marriage, the fullness of their sexual relationship, is the state of the soil in which the young plant (their son) thrives or wilts. The greater their ease with each other the greater his potential ease with matters of the heart.
All children need such marriages and have the universal human right to such. Though they have a right to this love, it cannot be enforced because it is a gift, from each parent to the other, and then — only then — to their children. One could say that marriage is “well directed sexual fulfillment over a life time,” the benefits of which flow over to the children.
Times of crisis demand getting back to basics. Our search
for the most basic has brought us to the sexual formation of the boy by his
father. Even here, marriage is foundational.
In my estimation the strategic
project of the next century (100 years) is the movement of fathers
taking unto themselves alone,
the sexual formation of their sons, resulting in sons capable of being great
husbands and fathers. However, I predict that those interested in a
totalitarian state (the socialist state) as well as radical-core feminists (and
there is a significant overlap) will oppose this movement with merciless pursuit,
for, if it spreads, it takes away from them their most powerful tool — “sex
In the forthcoming square-off fathers, who do have the inherent right to direct the education of their children, we will need the back-stop of law. Luckily this right is recognized in the United Nations Human Rights Treaties and Declarations of the late 1940’s and early 1950’s. The world’s reflection on what had gone wrong during and leading up to World War I and World War II led to the founding of the United Nations and with its hope that such horrors would not happen again, and to that end issued the Human Rights documents.
But with rampant individualism coupled with ignorance of the
nature of good government, “Human Rights” discourse, today, is a double-edged
sword even among — especially among —
educated Westerners, most of whom cannot articulate the nature of human
rights and as a result are increasing easy prey for “false rights.”
When properly formulated, “human rights” give expression to the universal instinct for justice and fairness that resides in the heart of every person, let he or she be rich or poor, white, yellow, bronze or black, educated or not, religious or not, of every religion. The defining characteristic of every true human right is that it is universal: It never deprives another of the same right. Universal human rights do not contradict each other, neither between individuals or within the individual himself.
Human rights are the same for all, else they are not basic human rights, no matter how good they may seem to be. Abortion is the clearest example of this. Totalitarian imposition (government forcing one to act in a bad way) almost happened when the Obama Administration attempted to impose “a right to contraception” on the Little Sisters of the Poor. Even graver false rights have already won “government privilege”: Abortion, embryo research, no-fault divorce.
The debasement of human rights language leads to a “wish
list of personal desires” that some think deserving enough to gain the title of
“a human right.” In the name of these false rights basic human rights are
denied to others.
Other instances of the violation of human rights are
frequently found in the realm of labor law which emerged — with much help
from Catholic Social Teaching — to protect the powerless (workers) from the
powerful (owners of big companies). Such
violations continue today in some practices of multinational corporations, and
now even by major labor unions.
occur in the education of children: In Germany homeschooling is outlawed. Totalitarianism is not totally
dead in Germany by any means. United Nations basic documents on human rights
articulate the rights of parents to direct the moral and religious education of
their children. Germany very deliberately and openly violates them — with
impunity in the international community.
“Sex ed” in this country, is another major area of violation
of the rights of parents to direct the education of their children. Education
boards and teachers unions claim “false rights” when they enforce such
curricula. It is in this area the clash
with fathers will occur.
A false rights debasement of human rights leads to cynicism, and to a loss of faith in government. Should a populace learn to accept them, the ground is prepared for acceptance of increasing government control. The honoring of universal human rights is at the core of human political freedom. The Founding Fathers articulated this. Though they succeeded in so much and gave the world the wonder that is the Bill of Rights and The American Constitution, they failed in one glaring area: African Americans were not treated with equal dignity. And the nation paid a heavy price for this failure.
Thus, the dignity and equality before the law of every
single individual on earth is the principle measure of human rights. If it is
not universal, it is not a human right. This simple criterion applies to every
issue, in every dimension, from genocide to bioethics.
There are many professions and organizations that need clarity of thought on human rights so that sound decisions can be made: Virtually every job in the United States Congress, in state legislatures and even at county government level. Many civil service jobs need this training to a high degree: In the Department of Health and Human Services for such things as human trafficking, the abuse of children, care of the poor, the homeless, the dying, in the treatment and care of addicts. Civil servants in the State Department particularly need this, but also in the Department of Labor, the Department of Education, the Department of Housing and Urban Development and in the Department of Homeland Security. All need clear thinking on this issue.
Further afield: Those who work for international agencies, such as the United Nations, the Organization of American States, the World Health Organization, as well as for international NGOs, all need the same clear intellectual formation.
Doctors and nurses and hospital administrators need this. The need in healthcare is growing rapidly as advances are made in medicine but at costs so high some are tempted to think of euthanasia (murder).
Every high school teacher ought to be familiar with the distinction between false and true rights. Every high school principal needs to be expert on it and ought to ensure all pupils become competent in making the difference clear, because every voter needs to never let false rights trump human rights.
Over and above all those mentioned above there are many who should consider getting this training: Those finishing their bachelor degree but not yet decided on a career path; mothers returning in midcareer to the workplace as their children become less dependent on them; retiring baby boomers who have the leisure of good health, many remaining years and the financial flexibility to become involved in NGOs where they can make a difference.
Given the vast need for tens of thousands of people trained
in this way of thinking many ought to think of conquering the subject matter.
The Catholic Church, being universal (catholic) organization, is well-placed and has much experience and the longest historical track record in the issues of human rights claims: Ethnic people versus their conquerors, business owners versus workers, and workers versus business owners, parents versus schools, and schools versus parents. The Church’s history in articulating the principles involved are well-known and the Catholic viewpoint did much to shape the founding human rights treaties of the United Nations. The Church’s latest contribution in this field is led the coauthor of the article on the fundamental right (human right) of every child to the marriage of his parents. William Saunders J.D. (Harvard Law) is director of a new MA program in Human Rights at The Catholic University of America. He and Professor Robbie George of Princeton University conduct a wonderful exploration of the issues here: beginning at minute 2.30.
For particulars of The Master of Arts in Human Rights program click here.
Do have a look at it and pass on the information to those –
young and old — who might be interested. Their contribution to society could
be greatly enhanced with this degree.
For the good of the child,
Pat Fagan, Ph.D.
That does not mean they will draw on the help of others — but it will be at
The study of how to rebuild society leads initially to the study of how it was dismantled. That leads to many pathways but the central is the Marxist highway, which, though beginning with the commune in the French Revolution really got its start with Das Kapital by Marx and Engels. There they pinpointed family and religion as the two major obstacles. It took a hundred years of study for their intellectual offspring to figure out how to cause a collapse from with both those institutions. They found one solution for both problems: Sex gone wild, as most graphically illustrated in Mallory Millet’s famous reportageon the pre-founding of the National Organization of Women. Men are suckers for it, and women too – in a very different way.
It is noteworthy that when a marriage or partnership
disintegrates the children normally stay with their mother. This springs from
the fundamental nature of female sexuality: Her sexual biology is overwhelming
in its impact on her boding with her children. Once conceived, her child
changes all her biological systems as they regroup to grow the baby in her
womb. She gets to know that baby as it grows and takes over so much of her life
during those nine months.
Then comes the trip down the birth canal and the eruption of
pain and trauma of childbirth, an experience men cannot conceive of nor write
about. It ends in the joy of holding her newborn and the instant conclusion it
was all worth it. This experience alone would bond both so deeply. But it is
followed by an even more intimate form with months of breastfeeding that makes
the breast forever central to sexuality for both male and female.
For men, biology does not do anything comparable. A man bonding with his children is essentially an act of his will: A decision carried out repeatedly as he deliberately gets closer to his child.
In the architecture of family and of society and even of civilization
and culture the woman’s irreplaceable contribution is biology; man’s is
decision, or will – or good habits.
If the family is an arch the woman is the blocks while the
man is the keystone.
Pull out the keystone and the arch (the family, society,
even civilization) collapses.
The US feminists of the 1960’s, building on the 40 years work of the Frankfurt Schooland its Marxist allies, had finally figured out how to cause the collapse that Lenin envisaged: remove the father from the family. (For them the traditional intact married family is the “patriarchal” family). The “litany chant” at the opening of the study group that led to NOW illustrates the method of removal: Let sex go wild.
The Supreme Court was a key target and delivered the goods: The
right to sex outside of marriage in 1972, to abortion in 1973, to
contraceptives down to age 16 without parental consent, to homosexual acts in
2003, to homosexual marriage in 2015.
With each decision the place of the male in the family was
notched down and down and down, with increases in all the “toxic masculinities”
the APA is seemingly concerned about.
The Marxists figured out that if you remove the father from
the family society will gradually collapse into the waiting arms of the all-controlling
socialist state envisaged by Marx.
In the mid and late 1960’s some of America’s brightest (but
not best) decided to take down the most powerful nation on earth. They have
How to restore and rebuild?
By replacing the keystone in the arch: Good fathers raising
boys to be great husbands and fathers. The man is key. He is civilization. He
is the keystone.
(Women have nothing to fear in this order: It is the work of
both. Equally. Just very different roles, stemming from very, very different
biologies. But totally complementary biologies — if only we can get the “act of the will” right in both male and
female, mother and father, husband and wife).
The way to rebuild our nation is to do what all good men
have always done: raise their sons to be great husbands and fathers.
As his newborn son is placed in his father’s arms for the
first time, the young father (even if he cannot formulate the words) says to
give you my heart always and give you my time early in your life— to bind you to me with affection (when it is
easy to do). On this foundation we will
build the rest. Nothing else compares to this, not a successful business, nor
great honors —-nothing else — except loving your mother.
greatest task is to make a great husband and great father of you.
I will teach you what paths to walk so that you will desire to be good.
In your growing years I will be your guardian and protector.
I will protect you from sexual abuse.
I will teach you how to protect yourself from sexual abuse.
I will protect you from pornography within our home.
I will teach you how to protect yourself from pornography anywhere you come
I will teach you how to treat your own body.
I will teach you how to regard the bodies of women.
I will teach you how to listen carefully to women and hear what they
I will teach you how to treat
all women, so they will know you are a man of good intentions.
I will teach you how to spot and win the sexual battles that will take
place inside your head and your heart.
I will teach you why you should not masturbate. (Your wife will thank
me — without ever telling me).
I will teach you how to have the sexual control you will need for your
I will teach you how to date well, and how to select and court a great
wife from among all the beautiful women you will meet.
My little one, because of all of this you are going to make a great man
As men put this into practice, by taking sex-ed out of the
schools and back into the home where it belongs, all of society will adapt
around this strategic shift. By exercising
this basic natural right, every father will cause society to rearrange itself around
his actions — in ways that restore social order.
The solution is simple though taxing: Fathers raise their
boys to be great husbands and great fathers.
To do a good job in raising their sons, modern fathers have to dig deeper into the nature of fatherhood, deeper than fathers ever had to in all of human history because of the Marxist feminist assault on “patriarchy”,amplified by technological shocks (the pill, internet pornography, etc.). Because the enemy dug deep so as to understand how to deconstruct society and family(see Shulamith Firestone’s seminal influence on 1970’s feminism: The Dialectic of Sex), men today have to dig deeper still. This may well turn out to be a great blessing because here after, men can pass this deeper knowledge on to their sons and in the process become better men themselves while forming their boys to be even better. While the father will make the boy, the boy will also make the father. As Seneca said: “While we teach, we learn.” Understanding fatherhood better, men will live it better.
What ironic justice if “man, fully alive” develops as an unintended consequence of feminism.
During the different stages of his son’s growth into
manhood, the father will touch on fives themes repeatedly, going deeper each
time, as he judges what his son needs to know and what he is ready to absorb:
About the physical and
biological facts of sexuality (male and female) that his son will need to know
during the next phase he is entering. It is best the son get this information
from his father first — not on the playground from other boys nor on the
screen from strangers.
About the differences
between men and women. This is remote preparation for understanding and
accepting the very different modes of seeing and experiencing things that are
the ways of his mother, sisters and future wife.
About how to choose a
good wife. Prudently prepared and
lightly delivered, these nuggets of wisdom will affect his choice of a good
About the inner moral
struggle that all boys and men have to engage in, deep in their own hearts, on
their way to manhood. This is a key point of identity between a father and son:
unique male way of battling to live well. This aspect is the core of a father’s
formation of his son.
Sadly, about the
dangers of abuse and pornography, which will have to be introduced early in a
boy’s formation because of their pervasiveness.
First Phase: Early Childhood
Well begun is half done.
The relational foundation of a boy’s sexuality is his
earliest relationship with his father. If this is warm, affectionate and
enjoyable the journey is off to a great start.
The demand on the father is one of time and possibly of temperament. Giving
his time to his son is his greatest gift, always. The more and the earlier the better. As the child reacts with joy and laughter the
father is naturally encouraged and rewarded.
The embrace and horseplay that father and child engage in develops his
son’s trust and confidence.
The task is friendship, the method is play: Anything and all
that the son enjoys with his father. It can be tiddlywinks or football, drawing
or singing, reading or baseball, fishing or hiking. Whatever brings joy to the
Also, this early stage is the time that deep friendship is
most easily formed. It will yield fruit
in mid-childhood and adolescence when that friendship will be tested by the
strains of that phase.
With such a friendship in place the later phases will be
handled with much great ease.