Dating

Dating

Death and Rebirth of a Culture

Tags: Dating, sexuality No comments

The New York Times has a circulation of one million while Rush Limbaugh has an audience of 13.5 million listeners.  Limbaugh devoted much time last week to a Vanity Fair Article on the hook-up culture among young professionals in New York City, a culture that is now driving women away from men of their own age. The male Lotharios boast of up to three different women bedded per week and the norm seems to be over 20 different women per year.  It seems some women are now seeking relationships with much older single (divorced?) men. These older men are attractive (even though marriage to them means wheeling them around in their old-age) because they treat their dates with respect and not as one-night stands to be cast off for the next pretty young thing.

Given the habits now deeply formed in these young adults whereby they treat others as objects to be cast aside, whereas most young men in most generations honored women and were delighted to have their attention.  When these New Yorkers eventually settle down how will they treat their spouses and their children when the going gets tough?  How will these women treat their husbands?  How will all of them treat their co-workers and customers?  Can good relationships ever spring from habits like these?  This is the soil of divorce, abuse, abortion, cast offs, rejection, dejection and despair.  It will implode.

What these women are looking for are men who honor them, will protect them when they most need protecting (which is when they are giving birth and nursing very young children).  But where can they find such men?  The short answer is in church.  They are there in spades though such men are likely to find their spouses there too.  NYC “Tinder Girls” don’t go to church much.  Yet.

The greatest secret in the social sciences (and it is good science) is the inherent need for men and women to worship God if they are to thrive.  The numbers and patterns are overwhelming.  There is no way that atheist or agnostic academics can hold to their conclusions and claim to be guided by science.  The social sciences constantly and repeatedly contradict them.

When defeating the British in the War of Independence American men found strength in numbers and in their commitment to fighting even to death in the cause of their country.  For the rebirth of the nation young single American men will need to find strength in their numbers by banding together to form the backbone around which the body of the nation will be able to stand up and face a future full of hope.  Young chaste men will be the saviors of the nation and its rebuilders. Us older folk have to work with them to discover ways to cause this banding together to happen, to become visible.

Imagine the scene in New York City where young professional men get together for fun and drinks — and they are all committed to chastity.  Add a bit of style in dress, a decent college education, and evidence of steady work.  How many young NYC professional women would be interested in finding such men? The place would be the hottest spot in town because the Vanity Fair article shows they need men who by their stance say “Even if the culture will no longer protect your sexuality, we will.” These are the Supermen who will save Gotham City. Without them it will become a hell-hole.  With them many Lois Lanes will step forward.  Male and female are made for each other. Without them you have no family, no future, no child. With them we have a future, a rebirth.  Ground zero is chastity.

Manners, American Style

Dating, feminists, manners No comments

Back in February I wrote on the single most important chart in all of the social sciences (to date), which illustrates the relationship between chastity and the stability of marriage: Those men and women who had no sexual partner other than their spouse had, by far, the most intact marriages.  When I first saw that data graphed in an Excel chart the thought that jumped immediately to mind was:  “Those Mediterranean cultures (that insisted on chaperoning) knew what they were doing.”  This week I read an article on good manners, American style, which illustrated one of the ways we Americans did the same in our culture:  “How to Treat a Lady: Reclaiming Manners between Men and Women” by philosophy professor John Cuddeback of Christendom College.  I recommend it highly for reading and dissemination.

“Women are to be reverenced, always and just because they are women.…The nature and dignity of woman may remain something of a mystery to most men.”

Women are always a mystery to men mainly because we are so alike in so many ways, as feminists rightly remind us. But we are also different, deeply so in body, in our ways of relating, and especially in the ways our brains work, which means we process all our sensory data somewhat differently.

Radical feminists don’t like any attention given to “differences between men and women” and thus don’t like a culture of manners between men and women.  I remember the first time I was rebuffed for opening the door for such a woman.  However men can disregard these instances except when a radical feminist needs her dignity acknowledged a different way.  In voicing her issue she is still saying loud and clear she wants her dignity acknowledged.

But radical feminists have made it a bit more difficult to do that when they insist on the right to abort their babies.  It is more difficult to see the dignity of killing 50 million American children.  But real gentlemen can look beyond even that to the potential mother still within.  It is that potential which confers so much of the mystery and beauty on woman.  Men, by treating women with the manners our grandfathers had, can take leadership in wooing women back to a culture of love and awe.  Enjoy Cuddeback’s article and maybe you know some young men who would read it. It is a building block for the culture we are rebuilding.

Our Floating Sexual Anchor

church, culture, Dating, gender, MARRI, marriage, young adults 1 comment

By: Avery Pettway, MARRI Intern
      Joshua Kelsey, MARRI Intern

The “2014 State of Dating in America” study, conducted by ChristianMingle and JDate, examines the dating behavior of Christian young adults. The study’s most ominous finding is the rapidly growing Christian acceptance of sex outside of marriage.  When asked if they would have sex before marriage, 63% of Christian young adults answered yes, and only 13% said no.  When asked how far into the relationship it was acceptable for the couple to move in together, 27% said after six months of dating, 30% said after a year of dating, and only 13% said it was only acceptable after marriage.

This data does not describe the US population at large—this is the state of things within Christendom (or at least the Christendom according to Christian Mingle and JDate). With thoughts like this harbored in Christian minds throughout our land, it makes sense that marriage is falling apart in our country, divorce rates are remarkably high, and the definition of sexuality is in perpetual flux.  Such research should shock and disturb Christians—the church, after all, ought to be the solution, not the problem.  Our biblical roadmap shows us the way to joyously hold out the single answer to how things work. Shouts of solutions, remedies and programs reverberate through our social conversation, but evidence of their success is grim.  As Christians leave the voice of true reason (divine design), they will enter the age of parenting in the midst of moral and ideological chaos. What follows is that our next generation of children will be raised outside God’s paradigm—they will be the first generation, in theory, to have no background of stability.  The current generation is rebelling against a standard they despise—the next generation won’t be rebels so much as followers of the new social norm.

How can we Christians who hope for cultural redemption fight chaotic societal trends when 63% of our own are captivated by the same trends?  Christian leaders are frustrated, saddened, even angered, by the socio-sexual battle cries thundering against any righteous standard they uphold.  The homosexual marriage movement is gaining ground, more children are born out of wedlock, and cohabitation is increasing — all working to undermine the bedrock of society, the family.  We as Christians expect the unbelieving world to choose its own paths, to stray from God’s design.  Throughout the ages, in varied cultural contexts, societies have turned towards sexual disobedience (among other kinds)—and, one by one, have fallen from splendor. We also know that God’s call to His own people is to turn from sexual immorality, to be set apart, and, most shiver-inducing of all: Be holy, for I am Holy. We adhere to His design for the sexual out of obedience to the Creator of sexuality.  We adhere because…it works.  Simply put, His design makes sense.  He created sexuality, and therefore His way works.

And yet even self-proclaimed followers of God are so blind in the sexual arena.  Society’s proposed sexual system only leads to chaos—first within family relationships, leading to breakdowns in the other key institutions.  In what other context does society so energetically encourage actions that blatantly do not work?  The family (and how sexuality is conducted within this framework) is the root of a functioning society, the stream feeding the tree that grows the branches of government, of economy, of education, etc.  The United States will struggle to maintain any coherent identity or global presence if we continue on this road.
The people of God have always been the symbol of hope.  In theory, we know what it is that works. This is where we mourn the most tragic part of our national story—Christians are following the tide. Those entrusted with the beautiful knowledge of how to grow a thriving society are putting such wisdom aside and stepping into chaos with the rest.

Many think that people leave the Faith and then become sexually promiscuous. But as the State of Dating in America study showed, this is simply not the case.  An increasing many are maintaining their Christian title while adopting the cultural standards of their choice.  We should not simply force our adolescents to sit in church pews. We must teach children of relational beauty, young people of sexual wholeness. We must reach out to the young Christian adults facing a sexually chaotic culture, come beside them, and help them discover true sexual order. We must seek to restore faithful zeal, but also to restore sexual clarity and obedience. We must, with care, ask sexuality and religion to lead each other hand-in-hand away from the pit that consumes them. Only then, when our own Christian culture has changed and sex is honored among us, can we have a hope at all of changing the secular culture and thus offering our nation a happy end.